[00:00:00] which, speaking of family after this, we'll talk, because my family's from Vaon. We have Oh my goodness. Our, our homestead's there. My cousin's still there, so Oh, wow. My, my cousin's kids probably go to school with your daughter, so there you go. So Maddy, is that McMurray? McMurray Middle School? Yes. . Yep. My husband Stanley's from there as well. Ironically. Wow. all of the connections and I, so many, I turned 50 in a week. Oh my gosh. Congratulations. I turned 49 2 weeks ago. Yeah. . Yeah. Oh my gosh. Awake. Happy, happy 50. It's so crazy. so crazy. But I, I did wanna talk about, um, I harp on, I wanna harp on the chronic health issue. Um, I do want to talk to you guys listening about the chronic health issue because so many of us have chronic health issues. That's why we work from home. I know in years past, I've absolutely gone down the pity party. I rocked the [00:01:00] hell outta pity parties. I, you know, I'm amazing at them. Um, and I had to, I had to learn to make that choice of, is that how I want to live? I mean, gosh, you know, that was thirties when all of that really started hitting. It's like, is this how I wanna live the next 50 years plus Mm. Yeah. Of, of being. Broken, like you said, you know, do I want to be feeling that or do I wanna pay attention to the fact that I have today? Mm-hmm. like you've been saying. Mm- hmm. , you get up in the morning and you're like, I have today. Gratitude. Yeah. Yeah. And everyone talks about gratitude, but what does that re what, what does gratitude really mean? Yeah. And I think, um, I still wake up every morning and I, I, I'm thankful for three things right off the bat. That's just a, that's been a coping mechanism that started with the heart stuff. Mm-hmm. and, you know, it was like, what, three things today? And this is a day I could wake up after I didn't sleep very well and I had hot flashes all night. And, and, and I can't sleep on my left side at all. Mm-hmm. Because it's squishies my [00:02:00] heart. Mm-hmm. and it's not comfortable. And I, and I haven't even really brought it too many doctors, cuz I just noticed after, after about five minutes on my left side, I'm done. Yeah. And my body clearly says, you should move. And I go, okay, yeah, I'm gonna move. And so the first thing I wake up is I'm like, okay. I'm not necessarily normal today, but what are the three things that are totally okay? And, and my normal now is very different than say what normal was back then. Mm-hmm. and I am managing things probably every couple of days and I do it now, not quickly, but I log it so I can kind of look back occasionally. And this is, I'm kind of tracking on all of it. Cuz sometimes I get, again, ocular migraines are, they don't hurt, but they're a cool squi. They, they are beautiful. Mm-hmm. um, squiggly thing that starts in my right eye and it, it's like a, I guess trouble cl not trouble cle the other one, base clef, it's a C shape and that little trouble cliff becomes an aboriginal [00:03:00] painting. Mm. It's really strange. I cannot have lights on though. All the lights have to be out. I've gotta go upstairs and lay down. Does not hurt. It's a beautiful light show. I have learned to think of it this way. Right. Um, I have 20 minutes of downtime whether I want it or not. Mm-hmm. and I enjoy the show. because I also, the first time it happened, I was like, what the hell is going on in my eyes? Oh no, I'm going blind. Yeah. I've had all those moments of is I literally oftentimes have this, is this gonna kill me , and I have a good 30 seconds of, is this gonna kill me or not? Yeah. Because I did have that, I have the PTSDs from that little thing when my heart, when, when, when the, when the, the actual popping happened was almost three and a half weeks before the, the sweat. Mm-hmm. , I felt a popping sensation walking across the street in west Seattle. Mm. And then I had trouble keeping up in a bike ride that weekend, but then it got better and then I had some heartburn up into my jaw line. That's a real danger point everybody, ladies know. Mm-hmm. , if it's hurting in your neck, please uh, pay attention. Mm-hmm. . But then it went [00:04:00] away because by the way, it went away. Yep. So I had four instances of pain that went away each time. Had a great time in, in, in Europe. I didn't, no, I had a cold. What I think happened, and again, no one knows, it's just me guessing, is that I had a coughing attack coming up across that, that pass. And I remember I was looking out at the Irish Sea and I coughed really insanely and I had some water and that was right when I pulled in. I think it dislodged the clot that was keeping me alive. Um, it did relo again cuz I made it to the hospital. Right. But there was a clot that kept just relotting. So I think the way I, the way I look at it is somebody had a finger on that clot. Yeah. Going, not yet. Nope. Nope, nope. Not yet. Right. We haven't gotten her close enough to help . Exactly. So it just kept clotting and then I never had a lot of pain. Everyone says when you have, uh, a ruptured aneurysm, when you have a dissection, John Ritter had one. Um, Alan Thick had one Lucille Ball. Died of aortic [00:05:00] dissection. It's really painful. Apparently. Not necessarily. I was never in a vast amount of pain. I, well, the sweating was a big deal. Yeah. And then I had pressure on my chest and then I started throwing up and then I went hypotensive. And then I don't really remember too much other than cracking jokes in the ambulance. Mm-hmm. . Um, cuz the board surgeon, they put a surgeon on the ambulance with me. What, what did they tell him? She's probably gonna die, have this scalpel. I was just like, and remember he was throwing up. For real. This is all true story. This is, I'm not embellishing here. I do embellish in the story a little bit And I was like, oh my God, that poor guy. He looks, he looks like hell. Now I know why. He looks like hell. They're like, she's not gonna make it. Have fun. Yeah. And he looked so bad and I was like, dude, are you okay? Oh, dude, I know car trips are the worst. Let's just tell stories. . No, I start, I was like, I'll go first, I'll go first. You go into mom mode. Oh, I did. I was like, okay, it's 1944. I've taken terrible shrapnels of the chest and I'm, I'm a spy. We have to get me across the border. Okay, go faster, faster. Drive faster. And the nurse is cracking up. [00:06:00] And the guy who's holding my shoulders is like, are you always this much fun ? And I'm like, has he stopped throwing up yet? Are you okay? And he grabs my foot and he, I remember the warmth of his hand on my foot. He goes, I can't believe you're comforting me. And I was like, everybody refer, don't forget, don't hit the castle in the middle of the road. I know we're coming up to that . There's a castle in the middle of the fricking road, people who does that. And I remember that whole conversation about the castle. And they were like, well, they were gonna build a road to go around. Yeah. I totally remember the conversation. The nurse like, yeah, they were gonna build a road to go around. And I'm like, well, somebody should, because I remember there was sheep in a castle and is that what we're dealing with tonight? Anyway, it's a two and a half hour ride. Wow. Chronic illness. And, and so I, I have stuff that happens to me every couple days. Yeah. Um, and I manage it with exercise. Mm-hmm. and I manage it with stopping and breathing. Mm- hmm. , I do a lot of that. [00:07:00] So the minute something goes wonky, I get floaters in the eye. I get tinnitus in my ear. I get, there's so many things that can happen, right? Mm-hmm. , I get a little tiny pain in my chest to the left of my heart. Mm-hmm. to the right of my heart. You know, I tweak a muscle, oh God, I'm, am I gonna die? So I have that moment of, is this going to kill me? Well, let's just breathe for two minutes, . Yeah. And that, that stopping completely. And I also have, um, , I have, I have a coping mechanism. That is, I guess it's kind of odd, but I love it. And I'm, the first time I told someone about it, I was like, I sound like I'm insane. So I could be, I could be . I had, so I love Jim Muffs. Jim Heston's Muppets. I've always loved the Muppets. And, um, they're not who showed up though, it was the bad spinoff. It's the, it's the Fraggle Fraggle. And I was like, oh my God, why is there a frale here? I don't even like you guys. Right. They all moved in, they moved into my heart space. So it bbye about November of panic attack time. I would be talking to Gruber [00:08:00] or one of the other Fraggle. And that tall one is like the, the, the, the feminine one. She's very comforting. Um, they would come and they would dance and all those little tiny guys that go and like, I dunno what they were, they were like little builder guys. Uhhuh, I'd send them on, I would send them on errands. I'm like, Hey, I'm having like tinnitus in my ear. Can you guys go fix that please? Nah, nice. And I still do that to this day, every day. And there's a Fraggle thing while like, Hey guys, can you go check out my brain? Just, I need a report on the brain. Right. And most of them wear red shirts. Um, from Star Trek, Uhhuh. . I don't know why either that one, either , but my, my brain took me, and maybe it's just creativity and falling into that, I went, and maybe it's a borderline insanity, but I will say it's so helpful. And I don't really tell my husband and my daughter when I'm talking to the FRAs, they don't need to know. No, I do have three stuffed FRAs in my office upstairs now. , I love them. because they're, they're a good reminder. of the fact I'm not alone and [00:09:00] maybe my FRAs or angels in disguise. Mm-hmm. , maybe my Fraggle or whoever had the finger on the heart. Mm-hmm. . Um, well, and it's probably coming back. I mean, if we wanna go there, it's probably coming back from our childhood being the same age. My mom's a treky. Um, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Ugh, . But I mean, that was the same time period back when you were, and I love Star Wars, wars more. I love Star Wars more. Yeah, absolutely. They're both, they're both second tier, it was the Fraggle and it was Star Trek one. Where's my, where's my, you know, I should have like Kermit the Frog as like, right. Luke, Luke Skywalker, none. Uhhuh, . That's not what happened. . Yeah. Yeah. It's ironic that Yeah, you pulled the two Cuz I am the same way. It'd be Muppets in, in my head, it's Muppets a Star Wars Right. And you pulled up the other ones . But those tools, he gets him, get me through it to have tools and who cares mm-hmm. what the tools are. Yes. Um, I know that, that even for me give, just giving myself permission to do, like you said, and go lay down for [00:10:00] 20 minutes. Yes. Giving myself permission. It's like, okay, you know what? You're having a panic attack, , you haven't figured out why. Let's just stop pretending that life is normal at the second. Yeah. And go chill out. And it's nice not to fight against it. Yeah. I can't fight against my heart. Explode. Okay. It did. So I can't fix that. Mm-hmm. ? Nope. Mm-hmm. . Um, I have a, a wicked, huge scar on my chest. Okay. Um, I still love when people look at that and they have that moment. Cause I, I do wear shirts that are vcu. I do. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Cause I, I forget about it. Right. And they'll walk up and they'll, they'll be in like the fifties, sixties. Men will go, huh, can you talk about it? And I'll go, sure. Right. Oh yeah. Cuz they're gonna wanna talk about it. . Yeah. That's shared scars. . Yeah. And, and, and it's, you know, not everybody. And I've also met a couple people who, you know, the aortic groups, the aortic dissection folks. I discovered quickly that I fit in and I don't fit in at the same time. Mm-hmm. , I'm a little more able bodied. [00:11:00] Yeah. Um, than some, because depending on when they caught the dissection. , more bad things can happen. Mm-hmm. and not a single dissection survivor has the same story to tell. We're all totally different. And so commonality has become tricky. Mm-hmm. and there's a study going on right now. Um, and I try to follow all of these and I probably should be part of it. I may need to probably get on it because again, I live, I would say a 95%, totally normal life. Now I do work from home, but I did before. Yeah. So that actually was just nice. Mm-hmm. and I did go, well, I went into the studio the fall of, well, right after I got home, the fall of 2019, I was still going into the classroom to teach. And I can't say it was awful, but I like being home better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. definitely. And so I've, no, I'm, no, I'm in no hurry to leave working from home cuz it's, it's fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. How's that gonna be when you're doing [00:12:00] shows and all of that? Well, that's travel, right? That's you yous Okay. So it's you, you're keeping it very separate. Okay. Yep. Yep. And that's gonna requ, and again, that's where I get some anxiety. Mm-hmm. , where I'm like, okay, how am I gonna manage either stage fright, health fright, um, heart fright, what, what are my, what are my skills? I still, I'm gonna feel the fear. I'm cool with that. I'm okay with that. I think to try to push away Fear is not helpful. No. But to have tools for me, that's gonna be meditation and getting calm in a dressing. That's what I, I was just gonna ask, so, okay. Cause I wanna pull that information out. What are you, what is going to help you calm before you get on stage? A good 10 minute meditation and I, I'll probably go back to what I used to do when I had stagefright. I go out and sit in the middle of the stage and I count the chairs and I make friends with every single chair. Oh. I don't know why that works, but it's very meditative. Cool. And I'm like, I like that chair. I like that chair. Oh, I like that chair. See that chair too? Right. And then [00:13:00] I've made friends with the space. Yeah. And then I go out there and do a. Nice. Yeah. Nice. And I think too, I will need touchstones. So touchstones can be something you pick up and touch. Mm-hmm. that ground, that ground you. Yeah. So in case I have that woo and I've, oh, doing theater years ago, I remember walking out on stage and going, I have no idea what my first words are. Yeah. I'm sure they'll come out and they did. But I had that room. You get that, that anxiety. It's, I'm sure it's a blood pressure. You, you probably, there's a word for that. . Right? All this can't be good for me. And so I to avoid that. So I think, you know, I have this, um, I have a, we Scottish Harry Haggas Haas isn't really a stuffed animal, but I have one and he's part of the show. He's a prop because he is one of the few things I had in the hospital. I was like, oh my God, it's just me in this Harry Aga . Um, but I have him on stage. I have a feeling I'll pick him up a lot. Uhhuh as a [00:14:00] touchstone. Yes. And I go pick him up during the day too. Yes. He's upstairs. Yes. And so if I have a freak out, I'm all alone here in the house. Oh, it, you know, my, my daughter's at school, my husband's at work. Mm- hmm. , my two dogs are here. My dogs are here. They're very helpful. Mm- hmm. , apparently they are created and told to be quiet cuz mom's working. Um, yeah, mine, I kicked mine outside. Yeah. But it is helpful that I can go touch a dog. Yes. So if I have a scary morning or scary, I would say I typically have about, if it's an episode, it's gonna be five minutes long or 20 minutes of ocular migraine. Mm-hmm. . And when those things happen, I now log them pretty good. Like, I don't k keep them in my mind. So good. I can't tell you how often happened last week, but they're all logged so we can pull up to a doctor and go, this is what's going on. . Yeah. Um, I simply spend that five minutes acknowledging the pain, acknowledging the fear, going hi. I'm gonna pet this dog and sit in fear. Why can I not hear outta my left ear, huh? Mm-hmm. . That's a new one. . Is that gonna kill me? Oh, definitely not. Okay. For sure. Hearing loss isn't gonna kill me. Ooh, that weird twanging [00:15:00] sound in my right ear. That's annoying for voiceover. Oh, that's annoying. Is that gonna kill me? Nope. Oh, that weird pain on my, in my heart. Okay, we're gonna pay attention to that one, but let's go get calm for five minutes. So when I got covid, Ooh. I'm traveling in Switzerland and the the voiceover conference I was at, someone brought it. I got it. I'm the one who let everyone know they had it because I woke up with heart pain. Ah. I don't get heart pairing very often. Yeah. And so I was like, okay, something. Hey Fraggle, what's going on? Fraggle was like, you should go in. I'm like, I think I'm gonna go in. I'm like, okay, everybody stay calm, but let's go downstairs. I called the conference planner. I'm like, I'm gonna need an ambulance. Um, don't worry. I've got travel insurance. Oh. For every, I carry travel insurance, lots of it. Ah-huh. And I did, I did when my heart also exploded. And so guess what? It didn't cost us anything. Nice. $10,000 in travel insurance, covered all of it. Oh. Oh. So curry travel insurance. So anyway, they, I knew I was gonna be in Switzerland, by the way, is very expensive. You get reimbursed [00:16:00] later. Oh, very expensive. . So five, $500 cab, uh, uh, ambulance ride to the hospital. They're like, Hey, um, have you had covid yet? And I'm like, no, I've double vaxxed. I, I wear masks. He's like, okay, I'm pretty sure you got covid. And I'm like, okay. And so they gave me some pain meds. They bring my fever down. I get to the hospital and they're like, you have Covid. And I'm like, I'm like, is this heart pain? He's like, no, your heart's grand. No, he, he, sorry, it wasn't Ireland. It wasn't grand. Right. They're like, your heart's good. Um, so the heart, the heart was good, but I had pain on the top of my lungs, which is right by your heart. Oh. So yeah. So I had burning pain in the lungs, which they, with their medication. And then I didn't, I could not go on Pax Laved because I'm on Warfarin. So complicated. Mm-hmm. , they sent me back to the hotel. Very nice hotel. And I had the funds and I have the insurance to stay two more nights. And getting home was tricky. So Switzerland's like, go home. Right. We don't want your germs. Like, I don't want to get [00:17:00] on an airplane with Covid. Yeah. Wow. And they're like, go home three. I was two pairs of gloves. It was three masks. Nobody got it. Trust me. I didn't get my gosh near anyone. I was sleep. I was in first class. , which is great, but I was, that woman next to me didn't get it. I didn't eat, I didn't drink, I didn't, nope, nothing. I was like, you will not. I am, I am, you know, what do you wanna call? I am, you know, I am. It's awful. . And, um, I got home and neither one of my, neither my husband or my daughter got it. Either. Same thing. I went downstairs, no, no contact. Basically three masks, all of that. So I, I got over within the five days I was, I was almost asymptomatic with the exception of that little bit of heart pain, Uhhuh, , or not heart pain. Right. Heart pain. And then I was, you know, pretty light case, obviously contagious, all of that. Yeah. Um, but that was also good for like my mother to hear because she was terrified about my getting it. Oh, absolutely. Because anyone who lives in terror of being, yeah. I'm not necessarily immunocompromised, but I've been through a lot and I came [00:18:00] through covid, knock on wood. Wood, you know, all of that stuff. Okay. Yeah, cuz I was totally paranoid that I was gonna bring it, you know? Cause like I said, my husband's a firefighter, so he was around germs even though they were PPE up up the Y yang. Yes. I'm like, I'm, it just paranoid says he's around so many germs, I'm gonna bring it. I'm gonna be the reason he dies after he survived, you know? Right, right. And, and it did get to that point where, you know, I'm talking to my dad and, and you can hear it in his voice, like, if he doesn't see people soon, all of that surgery was for nothing. That's right. That's right. See, his, his stuff happened during the pandemic. I am very fortunate. Mine went down right before mm-hmm. , my experience would be so different. One of my favorite parts of being in Ireland and being in the hospital were my three roommates. Yeah. Um, because we had the most lovely time. Who says that? Yeah. I had my heart exploded. It went to the hospital. We had the best time we did. Right. I didn't know I was in any danger. So I was sitting crisscross applesauce on my friend's bed. [00:19:00] She had a blood clot in her hand. No danger there. Right. So she's managing a blood clot and the, she's a musician and the two of us were singing, ah, all in Harmony. And the woman next to us, oh my gosh, she, she was going through hell. She'd been through three or four different surgeries, really hard. They couldn't, she wasn't fasting, she couldn't eat or drink anything. She was on a fast. And she'd go, oh, girls, it's like the angels above, it's ha it's hail me. Screw the surgery. It's just keep singing. It was that, that was the experience. Oh my gosh. And we had Michael down the hallway. Michael was the, he stereotypical Irish moan. Cause the first time I heard it, I went, what is that? Somebody goes, oh, it's Michael. He does it all night. It's a oh oh. And I was like, for reals. I'm really glad I have headphones. Right. and, and the fact that we got tea four times a day in the hospital and it wasn't, do you want tea? No, no, no. It's What do you want in your tea ? Because the first time I was like, can I get coffee? And she goes, Are you sure? And, and [00:20:00] Fiona, my roommate goes, she's shaking her head going, you, you don't, you don't want coffee. And I'm like, I'm like, I really wanted coffee. I'm American . Right? They brought me this stale for God's sakes. They brought me this stuff. And I was like, so I'll be having the tea . Um, and after that it was like, it was two digestive biscuits. Tea two was two, it was two dos of milk and a sugar. And that became my, or my standing order. And it, because it's because I was in cork. It's always, it's always, um, it's always a, a berries Irish tea. If you're in Dublin, they drink lions and there is a real difference. You, you don't really mix the two. Um, yeah. You don't really know that till you're stuck in Ireland. You're like, oh, well, I guess I'll have berries. Right? and I still drink berries and I drink it after I get through my coffee in the morning, I'm, I switch over to my decaf berries tea. Yeah. And I, and I love it. I love, well, and, and you know, the, the amazing thing is, is that if you hadn't had that experience of not even knowing that you almost died. Yeah. and enjoyed that time. [00:21:00] What would that tea probably do if you even smelled it again? Oh, nothing. It would've been totally different. It's just black Irish tea. Yeah. You would've been, oh my God, this is triggering and nasty and takes me back to a bad time. . I can say that, that being in Ireland was, it was incredible. I mean, were there moments of fear and, um, and not knowing what was going on. A few, and some of them, you know, when I pulled out that Haggas, and again, I still make it funny cause I'm like in, I'm sobbing over this, we, Harry Haggas, which I was, he was getting very wet and Oh God, I still had oxygen. So the oxygen thing was really snotty. And this man across from me, different room he was from, um, he was a man from Limerick. There's a really bad joke there too. Yeah. There's a man from Limerick and he's staring at me, not speaking, just staring at me. And I'm like, this is creepy. And my, my push button wouldn't work. So I remember I got up with my haggas and I walked my IV into the hallway. They're like, what are you doing? I'm like, I just, just need help . I can't remember why. You know? So I did have those moments. Right. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. , but [00:22:00] they're not what stuck, what stuck were all the really good times. And my mom felt guilty. She came out, she flew out after my husband needed to fly home. I'm still there. She flew out for two weeks and it took her bar hopping in Dublin the last two nights like you do after open heart. And um, my mom's like, should I feel guilty? We're having a really good time. I'm like, um, I'm alive. I think we should just proceed from Yeah, exactly. Let's celebrate. And I had in, I had infections while we were bar hopping, so there was that too. But those didn't really get bad for four more days. . And then I was too enough whiskey. If you'd done more whiskey, two more surgeries, two infection . Two more surgeries. Yeah. But you know, years later I look back and am I, am I sad the experience happened? No, I wouldn't trade it. Yeah. I mean, do I miss diving a little bit? And I know someone with, I know somebody who's had a dissection and has a mechanical heart valve who dive. And so now , if you've been Cancun in two weeks, um, my thought is let's be, I mean also, but I'm also 49 and I know how I've been a dive master. I am very [00:23:00] aware of diving. Yeah. Is that worth it? Right. I can kind of look at that. Like, do I wanna go snowboarding knowing that on Warfarin if I take a bad fall mm-hmm. probably not. So now I'm like, okay, well I'm not gonna get mad about that. Mm-hmm. , what can I do instead? Yeah. So I went and bought a kayak. I have, man, I, I went and bought a one of those aru kayaks that weigh nothing. Uhhuh weighs 24 pounds. What? So I can put that thing together in about 10 minutes and be out on the water. . Yeah. And it weighs nothing. And I, and it's safe. And I'm my cardiologist. I'm like, it weighs 22 pounds. I mean, I shouldn't go drown it. That'd be a bad idea. Yeah. But it's like, I still, if I can't scuba dive fine, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go kayak. Right. There's so many other things and so many other things that you had never even tried. Right? Like, what are all the other things I haven't done yet? Yeah. I've done scuba diving. Yeah. Oh, what if I did this? So I'm excited about that stuff. And so I try very hard not to look it through the realm of, you know, through the, the lens of what I can't do. And some of the health professionals were not helpful with that. Oh yeah. [00:24:00] And I, the other thing I have learned to do is I take a list of my medicines and I finally just wrote down a quick synopsis of what happened to me because I'm very triggered and this is when I get not very nice. And I do, I have a bad evil side. They go, so have health. This was back in 2020. Have you had any health problems in the last year? . And I get very quiet and I go, did you read my chart? Right. And they go, oh yeah. We don't have time to read it. Because what I haven't told you is there were two strokes and then there was breast cancer. I'm, I'm doing fine So that all happened in six months and I, you know, had had, yeah, breast cancer and survival. Um, stage one B, we found it very, very early. Yeah. And so there was also, uh, lumpectomy and there was radiation during the pandemic. So yeah. When people would say to my trilogy of ologies, oh my gosh. When people would say to me, has something happened to you this year? I'm like, you just can't. So a friend of mine said, cuz I wasn't very ni there was a woman who was doing a breast scan, and I didn't, I didn't mean mean to her. I, I lost it with her. I did. No, I lost it completely. Um, [00:25:00] I was like, sobbing. And I was like, I've had too much gone through my life to tell you today, Right. And it's not her fault. It's not her fault. So I, my friend was like, write it all down. I was like, okay. So I did. And now when I walk in, I hand this piece of paper and I let them read it and we're all good. That is so smart and I no longer make poor technicians cry. My, what I wanna do in this smart don't wanna. Yeah. That is really smart. Cause I could, in fact, it was, yeah, I can remember the, the last really young, I mean medical field, the poor things are in there every five minutes. New, new people and, and I had a full hysterectomy. It'll be 10 years ago this year. Gotcha. You know how flashes flash when I go into the doctor's, I get really tired of my regular doctor's office asking me when my last pap smear was. Oh, me too. Me too. I'm I, okay. I'm like, I can tell you exactly when it was. It was November 24th, 2012. Yeah. What. [00:26:00] I'm like, please look at my records. Check my chart. Check the chart. I have no, I totally know. I don't need it. That's right. I get the same way. I get the same ones I do . But yeah, that would be really smart to come in with, you know, I've had this, this, this, and this, and just hand it to him and then my, yeah. There's no aggravation. It was the wife of my friend who knew Kathy Ryan, who gave me that suggestion. Wow. The world is so small. Yeah. . Yeah. On Facebook. I, I, I had complained about it. I was like, I just made someone else cry again. Damn it. Yeah. And she was like, oh, I do this. I'm like, brilliant. Yep. That is brilliant. Listen to that. People do it. So many of us have chronic issues just, yeah. Yeah. Just save, save our mental health format. We don't need to go through it if it's a bad. If it's, you know, and especially sometimes when you go in for a pap smear, like you're talking about it and they're like, what's your family history? I'm like, well, my uncle, my mom, my, you know, not my mom. Sorry. Oh my God, I can't believe I just threw that. I'm taking that back. Clearing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, , you know, my [00:27:00] grandma, I mean, you start going through everybody and I was like, holy shit, this could be the day. This could be the day that they tell me. And I'm like, oh my God. And then we had all these other issues, you know, , the scan anxiety, being afraid of scan days is very real. Yeah. And one of the other choices I made originally, all this stuff went down in, well, August was the heart stroke stuff was November, Thanksgiving, and then all the cancer stuff was December. Oh my gosh. Which meant that the holidays would be no fun if you made me go through all the scans again in November and December every year. Right. So I said, guess what folks? I do them in January and July. Yeah. Yeah. January and July. And I told my doctors and I have like 14 doctors, and they were like, okay. I'm like, seriously guys? So now I get my cancer stuff done in January. Mm- hmm. , I get my heart stuff done in July. Yeah. Because I have to be scanned every year for changes. Yeah. And they could find changes that make changes happen. Mm-hmm. . And so it's a very real, Ben knows too, those three, four days leading up to it, I kind of climb into a little hole Yeah. Of self comfort and I do a lot more, [00:28:00] like I don't work as much. Mm- hmm. , I, I lit. Those are, those are, it's not, not a time to wallow and self-pity, but I sure know I'm not gonna be making good decisions. Yeah. Or making dinner or really being a very good parent, . So my, my husband's husband's really good about, I'm like, yeah, I gotta scan on Friday. He goes, okay, what do you need this week? He's really good about that. And it's so, it's so important to pay attention to that. leading up to it and communicate. Yeah. That that's what's going on. I know. I'm not the best at that. Um, like this year when I went and got my, my mammogram, my, I wasn't that bad. Um, for some reason my colonoscopy, I was right. And I was very vocal about it. I'm like, I don't know what it I'm, well, I do know what it is. We're coming up on the anniversary of my father-in-law's passing and he had colon cancer, so, yes. You know, it, it's like, it, it just, it just all of a sudden triggered trigger dates. Oh, yeah. And it, it didn't matter. It's just like, I don't have to dissect why it's happening. I'm just gonna embrace that it is, and I'm going to talk [00:29:00] his ear off. And I can't eat and I can't drink, so I'm just literally gonna talk your ear off . Yep. This Friday I go to the e n t and the, the rule with this is a new one cuz it's hearing stuff. It's hearing stuff that might be tied to the brain stuff. Yeah. So, or or from the original dissection. And so I already know to print up that the chart. The chart. I know that by Thursday night I will be like not talking to anyone and then, but this, this, these are brand new EMTs who will need the whole story again. Yeah. So, okay. So, but I, I'm gonna try and it's because this is a totally new thing and it's definitely not going to kill me. . Yeah, that's the good news. Yeah. Is it's a little different. Um, the poor woman who gave me a hearing test again about a month ago, didn't bring the piece of paper, should have brought the piece of paper But, but it was interesting how that, that one happened sort of organically. That she, she thought I'd be upset I wasn't getting hearing aids. Uh, Well, no, no, no. I'm such a weird beast because I came in cuz for sure I held this little thing up to my left ear and I was like, whoa, I can't hear something that's, oh, I didn't even know. I couldn't hear what . Right? . And I was getting weird, [00:30:00] weird metallic tinnitus in the right ear. And I already get what's called pal tinnitus. I get that cuz I hear my bi heart clicking inside my, my body. Oh. So I totally hear that. So as a voice artist, I deal with that every day. No big deal. And um, She gave me the hearing test and she gives me the results. She goes, well, you do have hearing loss not in your right ear. And she says, I think that's the pulse. Al Tin is causing you issues there, but your left ear has some down here, but you don't have enough hearing loss for hearing aids. And she seemed really upset about it. And I was like, oh no, this is exactly what I needed. I just need to know what, and she's like, okay, I'm gonna give you a referral to I too. I'm like, that's exactly what I need. Is that, wait, . And then, and then we'll go figure out what else. Right. We'll go on from there. . Yeah, exactly. One day at a time. Definitely. Oh my gosh. This has an awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. So you brought up Edinburg Fringe Festival, but we, I definitely want you to talk more about that cuz um, you know, when's it coming up and what's going down? And so the [00:31:00] Edinburgh French Fest is in the second ha Well, it's all of August in Edinburgh, Scotland. We're gonna be there the second half. So our goal is to go up on au on August 21st and we're gonna play probably a venue for about five days as part of that madness. And then we are gonna drive taking a ferry over to Ireland and drive south to Cork and do the show two or three times in Cork and then do the show in Dingle, um, at one of the venues or one of the bars. Cuz it can be this, this show does not need a big huge sweeping stage. Yeah, it's musicians and me. Um, it's best to have a good pint of, of beer in your hands anyway when I start talking about this stuff. Right. So, you know, we wanna do it a couple nights in Dingle and then come home and then do it here in Seattle as well. And on Broken Wide open our page. We talk all about who the musicians are. There's a little bit more you can hear samples of the show. We're taking donations cuz we totally need help getting to Ireland and getting to Ed Edinburgh. Uh, it's not crazy expensive, but there's costs. Yeah. And I wanna make sure that I get everybody over there. and just have fun with the show. And if you wanted to hear the whole show, [00:32:00] it is on audible.com. Um, and if you just put in Broken Wide Open, which brings up two titles, you'll either get a Steamy Romance where most of the guy's shirts off. So you can listen to that if you want. Or you get mine where the shirt is not off, cuz there's a huge scar. Right. But they're both, probably the shirt did come off , right? Oh, I'm pretty sure they ripped open my sports bra. How? Oh, that's not even in the show. That'd be so funny. Anyway. Um, not my, not me doing that, just the thought of it. Um Right. But they, they totally had to rip my bra, but I didn't get that sports bra back, so, yeah. Yeah, I've had my clothes ripped off in, yes, in Ireland, in the, in the back by of the room by a gorgeous, tall blonde who's like six two. She is absolutely stunningly beautiful woman. Saved my life. So a bunch of, oh my gosh, there are a lot of people in that room. I don't know how many, but, and I do remember saying to them, can I get a tummy tuck? I'd really like my roots done. And someone goes, is she cracking jokes, . And then I was, and then this other woman goes, oh, we're gonna have to cut off your wedding ring. And I was like, no, no, no, just do soap. You can totally soap it off. And when I got my wedding ring back, it [00:33:00] had a little tiny tag on it. When soap did the trick, I was getting prepped for this life threatening surgery. And I'm like, let's all have a good time. So I, I think that should be, it was another woman, it was a cancer person. Wonderful story where they played music and they danced before she had her double mastectomy. Oh yeah. And I think there is something to be said for that, and I think mm-hmm. as I become an older aging, you know, Amer a person with, with some chronic health stuff. , I think I wanna keep that Yeah. As a bag in my toolkit. Yeah. Call it out and be like, can you listen to music? I want some music and I'd like this and this and this. Oh, can I please have this little fraggle sitting on my stomach? Okay. We're good. Um, you know, just so that we don't focus on all the negative outcomes of that paperwork they made us sign. Thank you so much for telling us the 25 ways that things could go wrong. Right. Let's think about all the ways that things. things might not. And what about if, I mean, just the whole vibe in the room. That's right. Everyone's calmer. If [00:34:00] that everyone's calmer. If they are all in a better vibe, that's what we want, right? Mm-hmm. , we want them to be feeling amazing before they Yes. Do anything . Yes. And, and that's, it's so funny, I'm still friends with one of the, one of the guys, the guy they put on the ambulance with me, we're friends on LinkedIn, I sent him a copy of the show and he played it for everyone, apparently loud at the hospital. Oh. Apparently they were howling because I added Muppets and other crazy things to the, the ambulance ride I took, I took some liberties on the ambulance ride . Right. Creative liberties. But most of it, I didn't take creative liberties. It's all true. And it's all funny. Oh, amazing. Don't have fun. Oh. Way to turn something. So, well, and I don't wanna say it was horrific or any of that traumatic Yeah. We could use the word traumatic. Yeah. Um, and turn it into such an amazing story of positivity and. and not, not going forward with your life. Right. Of 100%. [00:35:00] Still here your life. I'm still here, and now I'm 49. How cool is that? Yeah. Everybody, you're here and you're living. That's right. You're not just here and going, oh, I can't do anything anymore because this happened to me. No. Got lots of stuff I can do. Yeah, you choose life. Awesome. Oh my. So lovely talking to you. Goodness. This has been awesome, Shauna. So I'm gonna have all of this information here in the show notes, everybody, so that you're gonna go and find her. You're gonna go listen to her audio book, you're gonna go listen to everything. I know I've got some of you listening that are over in the uk So you are going to Fringe Fest in 2023 and then you're gonna report back to me. I'm gonna call some of you out, um, . Awesome. Make sure you're doing it . But thanks so much for being here. This has been wonderful and oh, thank you. I appreciate you so much. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All right, listeners, I will chat at you next week.