Choose Happy

Thankful Thursday: Tishia Lee

Guess what today is! No, not hump day, much better than that. It’s Thankful Thursday!

So, let’s start this post off with something I’m thankful for and not a bit sorry about. I started this little series with the full intention of posting every Thursday. Hubby and I went fishing last week for his bday and I barely checked emails, let alone wrote anything.

I am happy to report, we had a great time and I made new friends. I’m also happy to report I have zero guilt for not writing last week’s post because being present was more necessary. It makes me happy that it doesn’t cause me guilt. Always growing right?

Now who is my Thankful Thursday post about this week? I’ve been friends with this gal for over a decade, but she’s REALLY touched my life in the last 12 months. I’ve told her so, but I’m going to share her Shining Self with more of you 😉

I’m fat. Yup, I said it. Tishia says it’s ok because it’s true.

I’ve battled with shame about it for a long time. I was an athlete. Not just an athlete, but a total jock. I had a full ride for volleyball I turned down. I went on to get my personal training degree. I trained people to get out of the place I’m in. I know every bit of the damage I’m doing to my body right now.

Yet, I’m my largest ever and surely my most out of shape ever.

And I’m dealing with it better each month, thanks to my friend Tishia.

She coaches women that are hurting, especially on the topics of recovery and body positivity. We had a great interview together in my Bold Life Collection about her journey of bodypositivity that has led her to be a runway model! DUDE, for real. That’s some serious confidence. If she can do that then I can get over my worry of my double chins on camera and get my ass on stage too.

Yes, the big things she does are awesome and motivating, but it’s when she’s just talking and tells her truth that I get my magic from her. She doesn’t even realize how much she helps as she’s talking and just being Tishia. She isn’t consciously coaching, to her she’s just sharing. Sharing is one of her superpowers and you can connect right away

I’ve stopped putting clothes back while shopping because meh, I probably shouldn’t wear that as an over 40, overweight woman. Tishia’s voice is in my ear saying “F that, it’s cute. You like it, get it.” When I’m trying clothes on and close to tears her voice will be in my head reminding me that people love me and it has nothing to do with my size and everything to do with me.

Now the clothes do NOT make the woman, but when I’m dressing like crap I feel like crap. When I give up on finding and buying clothes I like then I start beating myself up. So I buy the clothes and I rock the clothes, cute as hell.

I’m excited that we get to hang out at more events together, even though we both fly across the country to them. We may be roomies in Atlanta here in a couple of weeks at Exposure and Profit and we are working on causing trouble for many hours and try to travel to Daytona Beach together next May for Beach Camp.

As of a year ago we live 3ish hours apart, I have to make more happen locally to be with her in person. We’ve chatted about some fun things we’d like to do in our area and now it’s just a matter of finding the right time to make them happen.

I adore her big personality and her honesty. She inspires me to talk better to myself and work at being ok that this is how my body is right now and that’s not a reason to limit anything I do.

You can be inspired by my friend Tishia and read much more about her story on her site Shining Self.

Live boldly,

val selby sig

Move Past Mistakes

Hey there over-thinker! Yes you!

How did I know you are an over-thinker? Well, it’s a bad habit most of us women fall into, so it’s a pretty easy guess.

If you are like many women, then you have lost sleep going over past mistakes. You lay in bed at night and just as you are about to sleep, stupid stuff pops into your head. You start dwelling on some mistake you made. Sometimes the mistake was yesterday and sometimes the mistake was in 1999. Thankfully, there are different strategies to help you get over your mistakes. I’ll share a few that work well for me.

Look for Some Positives

This is my go to approach because it works the quickest. No matter how severe a mistake is, there is a good chance that it has some positive aspects to it. You have to try and look for a silver lining in any mistake and focus on that, instead of the negatives.

A good example of this would be mistakes that cause you to learn something from the experience. We all make mistakes, but we also all learn from our mistakes as well. Focus less on the mistake, and more on what you learned as a result of the mistake. How will you do it differently next time to create a better outcome?

Look at the Mistake in Context

One thing about humans is that we tend to really overinflate the impact a mistake has in the world. Sometimes it can be helpful to try and distance yourself from a mistake and ask yourself “did it really matter that much?”

This happens a lot with social faux pas. I say the wrong thing to someone and assume that the other person was deeply offended by it and is thinking about it. In reality that person often has forgotten about the conversation entirely. It is worth distancing yourself from a mistake and asking if the mistake is really as bad as you are making it out to be. Or if you are being a bit self-important.

Do Something to Make Amends

A big reason why so many people dwell on mistakes is that they don’t ever do anything to make up for the mistake. Making up for the mistake, if that’s possible, can really help you to stop dwelling on it.

Obviously, this doesn’t apply to every mistake, but if you can think of a way to try and repair the damage done by a mistake that you made, that will go a long way towards helping you to overcome the mistake and move on. If the mistake was done to others, then get a true apology to them and consider how you can help fix whatever issue arose from the mistake.

Dwelling on mistakes is our minds way of keeping us in our comfort zone. It wants to keep us safe and stop us from trying new things. When you don’t try new things, you make less mistakes. Simple logic right? But, if we are afraid to try new things then we aren’t really living. Choose to get over mistakes and find new ways to kick ass.

Live boldly!

PS – Don’t stay doing the same old same old. Figure out where your next years will take you by taking the What Do I Want? workshop.

Organizing Your Bold Life

We know that nothing happens if we don’t put it on the calendar. I couldn’t be the first one that ever came up with that rule in their house right? That’s been the rule in my house for over 20 years. Put it on the wall calendar or it doesn’t happen and I don’t care that we are all digital…put it on that dang calendar.

But, how about all the many lists scattered around the house? Sticky notes, notebooks, journal pages, grocery lists on envelopes and that odd note on your phone where you put future recipes you want to try when you get it together enough to create a meal plan, but never remember to look at. How many lists do you have crumpled up in the bottom of your purse right now?

I have a free option to combine all of those lists into one spot for easy finding. TRELLO!

What in the world is Trello?

It’s an amazing online organization system that combines two of my favorite things, stinky notes AND checklists, in a digital format.

I’ve been a hardcore pen to paper gal forever and had a difficult time finding a good digital organization system that worked for my brain. I LOVE crossing things off my lists. After trying many programs and working in programs with clients, Trello was finally the program that clicked off the boxes I needed. Literally.

I’ve been using it for business for a couple of years, but only recently did it occur to me to use it for everything in my life. I’m already looking at it multiple times a day, why didn’t I think of putting my entire life on there?

Want to hear something funny?

I am NOT a very organized person. But this program sure makes me look that way. It’s taking my lists from all over and keeps them in one spot that I can access from my computer or phone, making changes from either location. I can also add family members if I want.

Quick tips to using Trello in your bold life.

When jumping into Trello there is a tendency to create a new board for everything. This will cause a huge overload of boards and you won’t use them. The goal is to simplify life and that means the least amount of boards possible.

I choose one main board and include some of the side project board on it because of the calendar option. If you are a Trello user and don’t know about the calendar view, oh boy are Jennifer Burke and I going to blow your mind on October 3rd.

Label your checklists. This will come in handy for use on other cards. In fact, label everything well and keep the labeling simple, if you join us in the webinar you’ll learn why. Create cards for important things so you can use the due date option.

What boards am I using?

I have one main board for home/life stuff and then a more detailed side project board. Everything is going on My Bold Life board, even some of the info from the side project board. I need some of it handy and I want one board that sums up my awesome life in one spot.

Some things that are on this main board: recipe links, menu plan, vacations, budget (boring), and more as I customize it for my family.

I’ve created a board just for Christmas so I can put due dates by things and get them done well in advanced. Also keeping gift ideas handy there. We moved into a new house this year and I had gotten rid of most of our Christmas decorations over the last few years. I want to make lists of what I need to buy for decor so I can keep an eye out for sales. Instead of being stressed, I want to enjoy the holidays and I really want to make most of the presents we give. Hence…my lists and cards!

We’re hosting a free webinar called Using Trello For A Bold Life & Mighty Marketing on October 3rd at 1pm EST. If you can’t make it live to ask questions, we’ll have a replay available to everyone that signed up to attend.

Live boldly!

Thankful Thursday: Rayven Monique

Every Thursday in my Wife Behind the Fire group we do Thankful Thursday. It’s a time to stop the chaos for a split second and focus on at least one good thing going on, big or small. I encourage them to come up with something small because it helps you start seeing the good every day. There is NOT a single day that goes by that there isn’t something to be thankful for. No matter how bad the day goes.

If you don’t believe me, let’s chat and I’ll prove it 😉

Happily wasting an hour.

Today as I “wasted” over an hour watching every stage of the sun come up over the mountain I was overcome by how much amazingness has happened in my life over the last year. My ability to watch the sun peak over Mt. Rainier is the icing on the cake for my last 12 months. Years past I might be sitting here thinking how it’s too good to be true. How is this finally happening and we are in this gorgeous house with this amazing view I never dreamed was possible? And I’m human, and those thoughts pass through my brain sometimes, but they are quickly replaced with enjoying the freaking moment and not letting it go to waste. Of being thankful that I have the ability to sit for as long as I want and just take it the gorgeous miracle of a sunrise.

When I look back over the last year and start to count the blessings I’m happily overwhelmed. Only a year! As I watched the sunrise and laughed that it truly has only been 12 months, it blew my mind how many people have been brought into my life and the part they have played in major changes and shifts. Yet most of them have no idea.

In no order except what the universe hit me with, I want to start telling you about these people.

Which brings me to Ravyen.

Rayven Monique was first as I opened my beach camp kit (only 2 left as of yesterday! Use coupon code: EARLY200 before October 14th). I didn’t have to look at the card to know the little pack with the button, butterfly and key to happiness was from her business Color Happy.

Before May, I only knew of Rayven through other friends that absolutely adore her. We’d never talked. I don’t think we ever even commented back and forth on mutual friend’s social media. Crazy!

Opening the little kit was absolutely a piece of Rayven and made me smile. The positive energy that flows from her is contagious because it’s genuine. She has great insight and is awesome about reading between the lines as she listens. And you can tell she’s truly listening as she gives you a unique perspective on something you just couldn’t grasp.

As I leaned into my word for 2019 (ask), she was one that I asked to speak in the Bold Life Collection. We’ve worked together on a project of hers. I’ve sat in on a joint class she held and we’ve had a coaching call. We also bonded over the season premier of GOT. This is where I really got to like her because she likes to predict what’s going to happen next and was getting into trouble for talking. Ok, we were getting shushed for talking because I wanted to hear her predictions and no one else did…so she was whispering it to me and well, I don’t whisper well. lol

So how has this helped in my mid-life shift?

Her ownership of who she is, obstacles she’s overcome and how she loves herself gives me a good example to follow. I’ve had rough times as we all have, but they don’t own who I am anymore. She shows me that I can be as positive as I want and the right people will be attracted to me just as I am to her.

People that lead by example are the best! I’m happy to think of Rayven as a friend and look forward to hugging her at the beach again!

Live boldly!

Knock Down Your Self-Esteem Roadblocks

Believing in yourself is a big part of your success and happiness. But if you have low self-esteem, it’s not easy to believe in yourself. And that keeps a sad cycle going on and on. You may struggle to step outside of your comfort zone and look for a way to make your life better. You may believe that you don’t have the means to better yourself or that you don’t deserve a better life.

You can change your life and it starts with believing in yourself. But first, you have to identify what’s holding you back. Here are three common self-esteem killers that can keep you from living out your true potential.

Comparing Yourself To Others

Do you look around and feel like everyone else has a handle on life but you? This is a common feeling, especially in our digital age. Maybe you have a friend on Pinterest who always seems to have a clean house. But you don’t see what her house looks like when the kids have the flu and there hasn’t been time to do any laundry.

Social media means you often only see the best of everyone’s lives. Seeing your friend’s good days can leave you feeling like you’re a failure because your house doesn’t look clean all the time like your friend’s house obviously does. You’re constantly exposed to the best side of someone’s life thanks to social media and rarely see the ugly parts, too. It’s important to remember this when you’re scrolling through your news feed. Unless you are following my page (https://facebook.com/valselbycoach) or Instagram (https://instagram.com/valselbycoach), then you get a good dose of reality. I’ll help you improve that self-esteem?

Ditch The Past

The past often shapes us and affects us far more than we realize. Negative situations in your past can make it hard for you to believe in yourself. Maybe you were in a toxic relationship with a partner who verbally abused you. Maybe you grew up with an alcoholic parent or maybe you were bullied in middle school.

Your past can be the biggest threat to your present if you don’t take action. It can take a toll on your self-esteem and crush your sense of confidence. If you’ve been in a bad situation in the past, you’ll need to re-train your thought processes. You may need the help of a therapist or life coach (https://valselby.com/bold-life-coaching/) to help you deal with painful situations from your past that are keeping you stuck.

Work on taking one thing with you from the past…” holy hell, I won’t do that again.”

Toxic Downers

Are there current relationships with a dynamic that keeps you questioning yourself? Sometimes other people can undermine your sense of self-esteem. They may do it subtly by making unkind remarks and dismissing these remarks as jokes. They may discourage you from acting on a project you were really excited about. They may tell you that you’re not good enough to reach your goals.

Few things are more painful than a friend or loved one that is unkind and unsupportive. If possible, try to have a conversation with this person about their behavior. In a healthy relationship, there’s room on both sides for honesty.

But if your loved one or friend still won’t be supportive, you should consider limiting how often you interact with them. If you do have to be around this person for some reason, try to have a nurturing activity planned for yourself later after your interaction.

Just like you can switch your TV to a different station, you can change your thoughts about yourself from negative to positive. It takes a lot of work and it doesn’t happen immediately. But as you begin to focus on your positive qualities, you’ll experience a boost in your self-esteem and find it easier to believe in yourself.

Believe in yourself because YOU ARE BOLD

Be bold today,