Choose Happy

Tips For Happier Holidays

I don't know what your traditions are, but I hope you are looking forward to them. If you aren't then you need to evaluate why right this minute.

I have spent many years with those I love, other years with those I didn't want to be around and various forms of both. Always with different reasons for doing what we were doing. If we were doing something I or the family wasn't happy about it was simply because I didn't put my foot down and set a boundary.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I love that there are no expectations for the holiday and the stress of trying to come up with gifts for everyone that already has everything. We get together and we enjoy each others company. We harass each other and bring up old stuff to harass each other even more. I know I love it more because it is my Dad's favorite holiday and it was my Grandpa's as well. I love to get together with family that I don't need a filter to be around as we chat about life.

Yes, the holidays can be stressful. But, there are ways to get through it and enjoy it more. Allowing others to drag us down should be UNACCEPTABLE and it's up to us to change that. Take a look at the following tips and see if it's time to put your big girl panties on and set some Bold Boundaries.

Don't Go

If you know the experience will be nothing but yuck and zero fun, do not go. Take a look at why you continue to put yourself in a miserable situation. Usually it's guilt.

We only have so many days given to us and I made a choice a long time ago not to spend them with people that do not value me. It's not always easy to stand up for your happiness. You know when you tell some people you aren't attending, it will cause drama. That is on them and nothing you can control. Just like you can't control how they act if you do go and it makes you angry. Choose you and they can deal with what they created.

Change Traditions

If life has been stressful recently, go easy on the meal(s). Make things ahead of time and reheat. Look up recipes that can go into the crockpot. Buy pre-made meals or go to a restaurant. Cheat and buy the pre-made crust for the damn pie. Yes, I totally did that this year because my crusts suck and it stresses me out lol

One holiday changing from the norm is NOT going to ruin life. But, the stress off your shoulders could really improve your holidays. Who knows, you may find a new tradition you like even more.

Say No

A close cousin to don't go is saying no. It takes work for many to learn to do it. It can be scary that first time you tell your Mom you are having the holiday at your house and not coming down. In my case, I knew her feelings would be hurt and they were. It was a big enough battle that I remember it. But, I'm stubborn and just said no. They were totally invited to our house.

If the idea of running to 4 different parents, 3 different kids, a grandparent, and your aunts house all in the same day sets you off…just say no. Tell them this year you just can't do it all.

Also, don't let people dictate what foods you will bring. If you were assigned a dish you don't like or won't eat, then ask them for another dish to make. I have food issues and always like to bring something I know I can eat. If you can't have dairy, say no to bringing the spinach artichoke dip. If you don't like broccoli, say no to bringing broccoli casserole. Having another suggestion for what you can bring makes it easier to have the conversation.

Delegate

This is one I don't do well. But, this year I have made it a point to be successful at it!

When my Mom & I talked about Thanksgiving being at our house I simply asked her what she'd like to bring. We always have the same dishes each year and then I just crossed those items off my list. We'll totally do the same for Christmas.

The house needs to be cleaned for company. I made a list and then gave my family some of the chores to do. This morning I made my list of food and house stuff I need to get done and it was amazingly short!

I and you, do not need to do everything for everyone! How freeing is it to lose that bad habit?

Runaway

Sometimes it's way too much. None of the other tips will work and you just need to reset. Go out of town over the holidays and just leave all of them to fend for themselves for once. Head out of town and pamper yourself.

If you've been doing everything to please others and it doesn't bring you happiness it's time to make changes. Don't go through what is supposed to be one of the happiest times of the year only pleasing others. Don't make yourself the martyr or a victim that is taken advantage of. Add your happiness into the equation and see how happy it makes those around you too.

Live boldly,

PS – download my free report Reducing Stress During The Holiday Season and find your happy place.

Find Happiness During A Stressful Holiday Season

finding happiness during stressful holidays

Between the end of the year work obligations, Christmas parties, and gift shopping, the weeks leading up to Christmas can be a very busy and stressful time. Every day in December is just a count down to Christmas day and it goes fast. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and rush through your busy days. When you push hard to get it all done and keep up with the Jones’s, you may find yourself tired and exhausted on Christmas day, realizing that you’ve blown through the entire holiday season without stopping to enjoy it.

There are a few little simple things you can do to make sure that doesn’t happen. If you’re ready to make sure you can enjoy this holiday season, no matter how busy you are or how much pressure you’re under, keep reading.

Stop And Smell The Poinsettias

When you’re busy, it’s hard to notice the fun little things this season has to offer. Challenge yourself to stop at least once a day and “smell the poinsettias”.

Take a short little break to enjoy a cookie and your favorite cup of coffee. Spend a few extra minutes when you’re driving home in the evening and go look at lights. Turn on Christmas tunes and sing and dance through the house while you clean. Just stop and have some Christmas fun for a few minutes. It’s a great stress buster.

Get Your Own Little Elves

Santa doesn’t do everything on his own, and neither should you. Learn to delegate both at the office and at home. Have your assistant compile the report for the boss, and get the family to help with cleaning up after dinner. If you have a big party coming up at your house, call your sister, mother, friend that's coming to the party and ask them to come over for a big cooking and cleaning party.

When you get some help with some of the things you have to get done, you’re freeing up a little time here and there to enjoy the season. No better time than the present to get good at delegating.

Making A List And Checking It Twice

Last but not least learn to prioritize. Make a list of what you need to get done today, this week, or before Christmas. Prioritize it and then go back and check it again. Strike out anything you don’t really need to do. It’s amazing how freeing cutting tasks and things out of your life can be. There are a lot of things we do just because we’ve always done them. When you stop and challenge yourself to focus on the important stuff, it becomes much easier to cut out busy work. That in turn greatly reduces the length of our to-do list and with it both the time it takes to get everything done and the stress we’re under.

Follow Santa’s example and just like him you’ll find happiness during this busy holiday season. Merry Christmas!

Feeling overwhelmed? Go watch the Unperfect Holidays 😉

Remember, happiness is a choice. Live with no regrets.

More Than Big Presents And Fancy Decorations

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. No, I'm not, you already know this. But, if you are stressed out right now you surely need a reminder.

Christmas isn’t about the big presents and the fancy decorations.

It also isn’t about cramming as many holiday activities and festivities in during the month of December as you possibly can. It isn’t about having the biggest Christmas party, or the biggest tree, or the most presents under it. Instead, Christmas is about spending time with loved ones, exchanging meaningful gifts, and enjoying each other’s company. And for many you can't forget the spiritual aspect of this holiday that often gets lost in the hustle and bustle of our commercialized days.

Slow Down This Year

Start by slowing down this year. It’s hard to enjoy this special season when your calendar is so full that you’re simply rushing from one event to the next. Instead of aiming to fit it all in, do it all, and go all out on everything from decorating the house and yard to hosting various Christmas parties, slow down. Take a breath and look around you. Enjoy this time with your family. Snuggle up on the couch and watch a favorite holiday movie or two or three. Make some crafts you've had on your Pinterest board forever and invite some girlfriends over. Take a nap or sip a cup of peppermint mocha. Slow down and soak it all in. If you take the time to make meaningful memories, you have something that will last a lifetime.

Scale Back On Everything

The biggest problem with doing too much and having too much is that it all loses meaning. This is particularly true around Christmas. “Go big or go home” doesn’t really work well. A couple of well-chosen presents is much more memorable than a big pile of 25 to 30 things that looks impressive at first glance.

Instead of going all out with the decorations, do a few things well and choose items that have meaning to you and your family. Instead of buying more and more gifts, set a limit and spend both time and money on quality instead of quantity. Instead of hosting huge Christmas dinners, fix something nice for the people that mean the most to you.

Focus On The Truly Important Stuff

In other words, force yourself to focus on the truly important stuff. What memory do you want to have of right now, come February? Who are the people you want to spend this special season with? What holiday events and gatherings are most important to you and your family? Focus on the truly important stuff, be it spiritual or just for fun and enjoy this holiday season.

If you are ready to enjoy the holidays for all they are worth, I encourage you to sign up for access to Unperfect Holidays. It's free to listen in.

Happiness is a choice. Live with no regrets,

Family Issues During The Holidays

Families can be a wonderful blessing, or they can be a major pain in the ass during the holidays. Frankly I've seen mine, be both at the same time. The stress of the Christmas season, combined with the fact that we see more of each other than during the rest of the year, can bring any tension and arguments to a boiling point.

So, let's look at ways that we can work on handling known issues. If you are going to a big family event and you know there has been tension it can really ruin your time with everyone else there. Don't let it cause you stress before you even get there.

Be Patient And Kind

‘Tis the season to be patient and kind. Make this your motto and you’ll enjoy a much more peaceful and relaxed holiday season this year. Remind yourself of this when things get hectic and stressful around Christmas.

I find that the simpler I keep things around the holidays, the easier it is to stay patient and kind. When we have too much on our plate, we get stressed out and irritable. I don’t have to tell you that this leads to a short temper that may cause you to do something you regret later.

Going into the holidays with a goal of doing this will help those of you like me that can turn angry elf quickly. I find if I start out considering there will be issues and telling myself to stop giving a crap about things more than others do, I can keep my cool and be genuinely more patient and kind.

Walk Away If You Need To

Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away. If a situation is stressing you out, or spiraling out of control, get yourself out of there. Go take a breather and come back when you can get back to being patient and kind.

Sometimes just going into a different room for a few minutes or taking a short walk outside will do the trick. At other times, you just need to leave before you get into an argument with a family member, and that’s ok. There are times when you’re better off getting out of there. If it’s the only thing that will make it possible for you or the people you care about to enjoy their Christmas, you do what you have to do.

NOW, what if you are hosting this get together? Walk into another room and ask someone more neutral to join you. If things are escalating and you know it will not improve, do not be afraid to ask someone to leave or have the neutral party do it if they are open to helping. It will be uncomfortable, but it is better than the fight progressing. Especially if alcohol is involved. Call that person a cab, uber or have another person take them home.

Postpone Arguments When Possible

The holidays only come around once a year. Bite your tongue if you need to and avoid arguments and fights as much as possible. You don’t have to give in, or bend over backwards for family members you don’t get along with. I am FOR SURE not saying that. I'd be a hypocrite if I told you to do that.

Think of it more as postponing the argument until after the holidays. Enjoy the time with your loved ones… even the ones who are a little more challenging to love than others.

One last thing to keep in mind when you’re struggling with squabbles and fights around the holidays. This is a special time of the year and something you can’t get back. Try to put bad feelings aside and celebrate this special time with your family and friends.

Remember, happiness is a choice. Live with no regrets,

PS – We create the holidays we get and I invite you to make your holidays joyful and bright.

Check out how to create your most magical Unperfect Holidays EVER!

I Dislike Angry Days

I'm an angry elf today. It bothers me quick when I feel this angry. I don't have it boil up as often as I used to so I really notice it. I'm real anger is at myself because I'm having boundary issues. Which has turned to me being angry at others as I project. Well all that sure turned into coachy terms. Let's try that in average words…

I'm angry because I suck at telling others what I need to change. Which is leading me to lash out and be angry at others, when the real culprit is I'm angry at ME. There, that's more like I'd tell you in a conversation.

Two years ago I decided I don't want to be angry Val anymore. Yes, there were hormones involved, technically the lack of, but it was much more than that. It was the fact I'd lost myself and the only way I knew to stay afloat was to fight. Metaphorically kick, scream, and bite to bring others down to this low I was in. Life had kicked my ass in a few short years and hormones were an easy scapegoat. They were a legit issue, but only on the surface. So I've done work and done more work and continued to work on me. It's work I enjoy 🙂 But as you work through things, new shit or old shit you buried, pops up. I'm at one of those moments.

I know I can only change myself.

I know this and I also recognize it will forever be something I work on. It's much easier to blame others than to look in myself. There's that freaking human thing showing up yet again…ugh.

When the thought pops into my head “they should know this by now” I'm pretty quick to tell myself NO, they should not know by now. Because I haven't said anything to make them aware. I haven't set a boundary on the topic and told people how I feel. If I did tell them previously it was probably in the heat of a freak out and no actual communication goes on during those.

I spent decades changing everything I ever wanted in servitude to my family. That is a fact that can't be changed and looking at it in a generalized way I would CHOOSE to do it again. I CHOSE to make them my top priority and I'd do it again. I'd just make sure I didn't lost myself in the process which is exactly what happened. There were years I wasn't lost and while their needs were a priority, so were mine. There are moments like now that I realize I still put everyone else's wants and needs first and it's not always making me happy any more.

What do I freaking want?

I'm looking at my calendar for next year and the only things on the schedule that are about what I want are business related. Yes, amazing fun will be had at these business events because I will be surrounded by many true friends. There will be fun stuff involved that is not work related, but still it's for business that I'm going.

Business can no longer be my work and my personal escape. I'm no longer ok with that. It's leading me down overwhelm street and I get cranky about things I normally wouldn't. Yet here I am, years into all this self-reflection, created the workshop even, and I'm at a loss!

Our family trips and vacations need to include my wants, not just his favorite things to do, excluding what he dislikes doing, as well as what other family wants to do and when. My family is not selfish, but if I can't make a decision for myself the years of putting my wants low makes it easy for me to come up with what would make everyone else around me happy.

And this is why I'm pissed at myself. I really have no idea what a vacation, trip or days outing that was all about what I wanted to do would look like because I buried it deep. I can not tell others or set a boundary because I don't know what I want to do. Which means I continue to choose doing what everyone else wants to do. It's easy to just go with that instead of putting the work in.

Wait? Easier? Is having these emotions that are working to ruin my day actually easier than sitting for an hour and working to figure it out?

That's rhetorical, don't worry about answering lol

There's a reason my What Do I Want? workshop is my favorite and I think everyone needs it. I go through the workshop myself every few months as I adjust to new challenges and realizations. Times like right now.

I'm running the workshop live December 10, 12, & 18th, 2019 and it's obvious to me I have some work again this time around.

If you already own the What Do I Want? Workshop then you'll get access to this live coaching. You, like me, are a work in progress so lets see what you come up with this time around 🙂

I'm revamping the workshop for the live group coaching. The workbook is being rewritten and the new sessions will be recorded. I'm looking forward to digging in live again because it becomes even more amazing each time I run it.

I hope you will take some time and join me for the What Do I Want?workshop. After decades of putting other people and things first, isn't it time you made yourself a priority?

Live Boldly,